Stop chasing perfection →
For so long, I have held myself from living in complete FREEDOM by being BOUND to the thought that I’m “in control”.
I watched my baby girl dance her little heart out.
It was her second class. She was SO grateful to be there, especially since most of her life has been about going to her big brother’s basketball and football games. NOW, it’s HER turn!
Bella had to borrow a pair of tap shoes and had a purple leotard on instead of a pink one. Her hair wasn’t pulled back all the way, it was in a messy side pony. She didn’t know how to do all the moves like the other girls that had been dancing for a year together. She was just SO happy to be there. #gratitudeispowerful
She wiggled her little body and was laughing and smiling…JOY just EXUDING out of her.
The point is…she wasn’t chasing perfection, she was grateful to be in the moment. She wasn’t worried about what anyone thought of her, she was focused on the sheer fact that she was getting to dance!
I sat and admired her for showing up and not being intimidated. I knew there was a lesson for me in this, so I pressed in.
So much of my struggle around perfectionism has kept me blocked or paralyzed. It is a lie of an imaginative place. Destination Addiction. IF this…then I can show up, be loved, be happy, not be so anxious, start to create…you fill in the blank.
“Beware of destination addiction. The idea that happiness is the next place, the next job, or even with the next partner. Until you give up the idea that happiness is somewhere else, it’ll never be where you are.” Robert Holden
Lies I’ve believed:
“If I’m super skinny and my face looks perfect, then he’ll love me.”
“If I hit a higher level in this company, then I’ll be worthy.”
“If my house is immaculate, my anxiety will decrease, I’ll finally be able to relax.”
"If my body is toned and strong, then I’ll feel confident”
“If I have a certain amount of money in the bank, then my worries will go away.”
“If I’m happy all the time, then he won’t leave.”
“If I stay in this place of controlled living, then I won’t get hurt”.
IF IF IF IF IF, IF WHAT??!!!
The whole problem with this way of thinking is it ROBS you of ultimate JOY, PURE FREEDOM and ultimate HAPPINESS because we are always focused on an outcome we can’t control. We are focused on an idea of a destination of perfection that’s never attainable... so we always fall short, leaving us with a lingering feeling of shame.
The whole…I’ll be happy when….(fill in this blank). Will you be? Or will you attain it and find something else to strive for...
What about being like Bella? HAPPY and GRATEFUL in this very moment. No judgement, no performance, just gratitude in presence.
Stop and take a few deep breaths. Inhale Joy, exhale destination addiction. Look around you and think about what you are grateful for right now.
In this current moment, I am grateful for fresh lilies and tulips. I am grateful that my parents are watching the little’s so we can take the “big’s” on a date night. I am grateful for caffeine and that I’ve had uninterrupted time to type this email.
For the next two weeks, will you try something with me? Will you have compassion with yourself and pay attention to your thought life? When destination addiction creeps in or perfectionism or criticism…would you take a few moments to breath…not judge, just breathe.
Love, Candace
